An actionable approach to finding more meaning and purpose in midlife and beyond. Here’s how I did it so you can also to unfuck your life after 40.

+++

You got here because you settled. And now life has gotten away from you.

You put aside the dreams and aspirations that you had and traded it in for family life and a job that pays decently.

It’s comfortable.

You got comfortable.

Making just enough money to enjoy things without feeling strained for cash.

You’ve got that decent middle management job that has you working longer hours than you’d like. But the family is healthy and you enjoy your annual vacation.

If this was the rest of your life, you wouldn’t hate it.

Life is safe.

But one day you woke up on the other side of 40.

Wondering what the hell happened and if you are too old to be able to even do something about it.

I felt the same way.

At the age of 44, I realized that life was not life’in the way I hoped or planned.

I was burned out. Stressed out. Feeling a lack of purpose even though things were pretty decent, safe, comfortable. But, I was not pleased with the overall trajectory and had no clarity on how to actualize something better.

It took lots of journaling, walking, slowing down, questioning things, challenging my beliefs to get out of this midlife funk.

But now at 45, I think I’ve found my answer.

One that’s allowed me to finally embrace life after 40 with a purpose and an energy.

I’m excited about the possibilities and what I can achieve going forward.

No, this won’t be easy.

This is not some rosy post about 10 ways to unfuck your life littered with a bunch of vibes.

Instead, we’re going to start doing the deep diving, hard work to finally get out of this purgatory.

Today, I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned about finding more purpose and meaning and finally figuring out how to unfuck my own life.

Let’s get into it.

+++

It’s scary as hell to realize you need to unfuck your life

If life was a sporting event, our 40s is basically halftime, so what are you doing with the time you have left?

You know you could be doing more with yourself, your career, your life outside of that career.

But …

Change is really scary, right?

On top of that, you’re tired. No energy. There’s like zero time for any of this.

And of course, the stakes are higher when you’ve got a family to feed.

Oh yeah, the doubt will also kick in, too.

At this age, what the hell changes could you possibly make? Especially with such little time in your day to even think to yourself?

After years of putting things off and settling for comfort and safety with your mundane routine, you’re afraid to prioritize yourself.

But I’d argue that this feeling of confusion is a good thing.

It’s the first step in your awakening.

You’re realizing that a better and more fulfilling life is on the other side of this purgatory.

You just need to figure out your recipe to make it work.

When you start making yourself a priority, you will perform better, move better, synthesize new ideas better.

You’re finally living life. There’s clarity. Purpose.

And that purpose doesn’t have to be specifically tied to your family or your office. It can just be the purpose of enjoying the small things with deeper intention.

You’ll have a reason to wake up in the morning again (and not just because you have to do the work, kids, and adulting grind).

Here’s the plan to unfuck your life

We’re going to do a reboot.

A hard reset of the entire system to unfuck your life.

Grab a pen and paper. It’ll only take 30 minutes or so to develop the right plan.

When things are a bit out of hand, when I’m feeling overwhelmed and confused on where to go, I think the best thing to do is simplify.

Because, chances are there is something (or multiple things) that are just too much right now and could use a gentle (or even an aggressive) scrub.

I’ll ask myself:

Where is the minimum effective dose of the daily habits that I’m focusing on that can build a little momentum?

Momentum through small wins breeds confidence.

It leads to the motivation to do more things; a newfound energy that you’ve been lacking.

That energy will translate into slow progress and even more motivation.

And the cycle will continue.

But it starts with having a little bit of a plan and by taking the time to reflect on where you are now versus where you’d like to be.

Whip out your journal and start jotting down:

Exactly what your days look like (what’s your daily routine from the minute you wake up until your head hits the pillow at the end of the night?).

How you feel about it (get specific: if this shit is boring as fuck, write it down).

If time was not a factor, what is it that you’d want to do?

Map out whatever it is that you’d like to do and figure out how you can make even a few daily minutes of this a priority going forward.

What can you subtract from your routine to unlock more time?

Maybe you need to get really creative with outsourcing, delegating or eliminating time sucks (I’ve got a newsletter about that here).

Maybe you don’t know exactly where you’d like to be right now. No worries. If that’s the case, we can start by figuring out where we don’t want to be anymore.

We call this our anti-vision

What would life look like if you do not follow through on your goals?

How will you feel?

If you don’t start that business, what kind of life will that lead if instead find yourself confined to a cubicle until you can (hopefully) retire?

How will you feel if don’t start prioritizing your health right now? What kind of life will that lead in your 70s and 80s if you’re too out of shape to get off the couch without help?

For example:
Not starting that business might mean more stress since you’re stuck at this dead-end job.

More stress leads to randomly lashing out at your loved ones.

Lashing out at your loved ones leads to even more compounded stress that starts to affect your overall health:

• Lower energy,
• lower libido,
• poor sleep,
• and terrible eating habits.

Now you’re spiraling and losing control of everything.

That’s how the anti-vision works.

“All I want to know is where I’m going to die, so I’ll never go there.”

— Charlie Munger

It’s a powerful exercise that works hand-in-hand with your true vision.

Each working with and against one another to help you realize where you are going and where you most definitely do not want to be.

Time to plan it all out

Now you’ve got your vision (and your anti-vision).

A destination for where you’d like to be after 40 when you finally unfuck your life and get serious about a reboot.

Now it’s time to figure out the right path to reach that destination.

I like to start in the micro.

I believe big changes come as a result of an accumulation of small, or micro-wins.

If I want to get in shape, and have a goal of losing 20 or more pounds, my first step is to determine the small habits I must develop to lose the first pound.

• Eat protein at every meal
• Incorporate more fibrous and filling foods like vegetables and fruits
• Limit my consumption of processed foods
• Aim to walk and move every single day
• Embrace a regular resistance training regime
• Be as consistent and patient with this as possible

Can’t lose 20 pounds if you can’t lose one pound. And those micro habits are the exact things you must do in order to lose that first pound.

Everything else will take care of itself.

Want to start a business? Write a book? Get a new career?

You’ll need to break down the action steps required to get there.

Then you get really intentional with those new habits by scheduling them.

Set up a weekly schedule for habit building

What does your first week look like? Write it out.

What are the habits you need to focus on to see results?

What does your morning look like?

Work schedule?

Evening routine with family?

Bedtime routine for yourself?

When do you plan to take on those new habits?

If exercise is something you’re going to prioritize over the next month, schedule exactly when you plan to do it.

I perform my minimalist strength training routines at lunchtime every single day. It’s baked into my schedule.

If you do not prioritize your own time, someone else will.

So if writing a book is your goal to add more fulfillment into your midlife, schedule exactly when you’ll sit down to write.

Do this planning session every single week.

Be adaptable (I’ve got two young kids so my schedule fluctuates a bit with school obligations) but do your best to stay consistent.

Then start adding some self accountability to your routine.

Develop daily metrics to unfuck your life

You got to this point because you ignored your passions.

The only way to truly unfuck your life after 40 (or really any age) is to rediscover your interests and fight like hell to make time for them again.

Use what I call the CORE 4 areas of a fulfilling life as your measuring stick:

Composition (your health)
Exercise. Eat well. Do your best to mitigate stress with mindfulness. Prioritize consistent sleep.

Education
Stimulate your brain and encourage growth by learning things daily. Challenge yourself to a new skill. Learn a new language. Take a course that will help advance your career (or help you start your own business).

Relationships
Make it a point to reach out to loved ones and actually have meaningful conversations outside of memes and fart jokes. Put the phone down and be present with your family.

Entertainment (or fulfillment)
What’s the point of life if we can’t find pockets of enjoyment? Go play more. Spend a few minutes doing something you love.

Every single day, I try to satisfy a little of each pillar.

Some weeks, my focus shifts and I want to spend more time on learning or play. Other weeks, my health becomes priority number one.

But every single day, I do a little bit from each category:

• Read a few pages of a nonfiction book
• Perform some kind of movement (walking, mobility or full-on workouts)
• Engage in at least one meaningful conversation with a loved one, acquaintance or colleague
• Find a few minutes to do something I love (dancing, playing video games or a sport)

Remember: even 15 minutes per day adds up to over 91 hours over the course of a year. You can be a completely different person with that kind of focus.

Every single day you crush all four of your focal points, give yourself a score. Like 10 points per pillar.

In a perfect world, you’re looking for 40 points per day and 280 total points per week.

But the world ain’t perfect. And random shit is going to happen.

Your job is to do your best to get back on track when you fall off and just try to slowly improve your score week over week.

Simple habits to unfuck your life

If you need some inspiration to get started, let me provide some actionable examples on how you are going to finally get out of this funk and start thriving.

Move your body

We know through science that exercise is going to immediately boost your feel good hormones (dopamine, serotonin).

Studies also show that most people are inclined to eat a little healthier after an exercise session.

If you are in your 40s and up, you should be exercising every single day. Yes. Every single day. Keep the momentum up and don’t let the body stagnate.

Stagnation is slow death.

Here’s how I set up my minimalist strength training routine to get you started.

Movement is the catalyst to reinvention.

Eat better

You don’t have to track calories or macros. We don’t do that here.

Instead, I promote balanced eating through simple to implement portion control guidelines where each meal has an ample serving of proteins, carbs, fats and plants.

Here is a full guide to making this work better for you.

If your life is stuck and you’re wondering how to get out of this funk, starting with your own body is the first thing I recommend.

It builds confidence that you can do hard things.

And nothing is harder than reinventing yourself later in life. Start with movement. Then add the eating healthy part.

Clean yourself up

Check in on your daily hygiene habits.

Are you brushing and flossing regularly? Or did that kinda check out as you started checking out, too?

Shower.

Dress like you’ve got the confidence to take on the world.

In other words, put the COVID sweatpants away and wear some real clothes right now.

I think there’s a bit of a fake it till we make it approach to life sometimes where the illusion of confidence ends up breeding actual confidence.

“If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you play good. If you play good, they pay good.”

— Deion Sanders

If we mire ourselves in sorrow and negativity, we will beget more of the same.

Exude some more confidence in yourself.

Ground yourself in nature

You’re surrounded by artificial lighting and artificial people (if you’re confined to an office setting most days of the week).

Get outside.

Walk around the neighborhood, the parking lot, the park, I don’t care.

Do your strength training work outside.

Go swimming.

Take a break away from the screens and technology as a sensory reset.

Go experience nature.

It’s one of the seven types of rest that we need to function and prevent burn out.

And if you want to unfuck your life, you’re going to want to alleviate that burnout that got you here.

Declutter your shit

We’ve all got that chair or corner of the room where all of the unfolded laundry resides.

Then you likely have a junk drawer or even an entire closet (like Monica from Friends).

But that clutter is cluttering your brain.

Go through your stuff.

Make a weekend out of it and start organizing your life a bit better.

If it is not something that you need, get rid of it.

Haven’t used it in years? Dump it.

Zero sentimental value? Move on from it.

If it doesn’t have any sort of value or meaning in your life, that item is likely taking up space in your kingdom and in your brain.

Declutter it.

If that’s incredibly intimidating because you have far too much stuff, then adopt the 30-Day Minimalism Game.

You don’t have to Marie Kondo your entire life.

But removing the junk from your house will do wonders for adding more clarity to your own mental health.

Your house is your kingdom.

If you’re living in a cluttered slop, what does that say about your life as a whole?

To unfuck your life you must make this your Life’s Work

You are not starting over from scratch.

You are not broken.

You are not behind because you have these thoughts.

You are starting from these experiences and using that history to reshape your future.

Now that you realize this, you owe it to yourself to change.

To take a chance on yourself.

To invest in the most important asset: You.

We know that if you do not act, nothing will happen. And you will regret it.

Inaction is just slow death.

As Bronnie Ware highlights in her important work about the most common regrets of the dying, the number one deathbed regret is:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

You should not feel guilty because you want more out of your own life. You are not solely defined by your family and job. You are much more than that.

Seize this moment now and do something about it.

It will not be easy. It will not be overnight. You will make a ton of mistakes along the way.

But, if this is your life’s work, what’s the rush?

Take what you’ve learned here, one small actionable step, and apply it.

Then shoot me an email and let me know how your progress is going.

I’m rooting for you.

I hope you found this useful. If so, I’d appreciate it if you sent this newsletter to one person you think would benefit from my writing today.

And as always, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.

I answer all of my emails at pete [at] petecataldo [.] com … Hit me up with the subject line “unfuck your life” and I’ll answer any questions you have to make this work for you.

Until next time,
Pete