The Paradox of Busyness: Why you feel so busy, but never seem to get anything meaningful accomplished.

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None of us are okay right now.

We’re all overworked. Underpaid. Running on fumes. Barely hanging on and at the verge of a breaking point.

We’re all massively busy.

Much of this is due to our capitalist overlords that have gamed the system to keep us plugged into the matrix so we can line their pockets with more wealth.

But let’s be honest, some of our frenetic pace is our doing, too:

• We overload ourselves with endless experiences for our kids.
• Say “yes” to everything that lands on our plate.
• Overextend ourselves to please others and satisfy commitments that we never felt like doing in the first place.

It’s what we call the Paradox of Busyness

The trap of equating being constantly busy with actually being productive. You’re in constant motion yet fail to realize any meaningful results.

I’ve been there.

I used to pride myself on being the Super Dad that could juggle all of it. My calendar was booked with clients calls and discovery calls with potential clients.

I had playdates lined up for the kids.

Made all the food.

Wrote articles and created content for my business.

And of course, hashtag no days off and hashtag hustle and grind meant I was working all day, every day.

Until I almost broke my brain and ran down my body.

Look, I understand that you’re likely working a job that doesn’t give an eff about your peace. Which is why I’m here to tell you that it’s up to you to take care of … well, you.

Time to figure out a better way to avoid the paradox of busyness so you can stop grinding yourself into a pulp.

Let’s get into it.

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Busy does not equal productive

We’ve all been seduced by the Dark Side of the Force that busyness is something to flex.

“I’m soooo busy,” is like a sign of value or importance.

We hide behind our busyness as a distraction from the many other issues we’ve got going on that maybe we aren’t ready to deal with right now.

If you’re too busy to think about things, you don’t have to deal with them.

Oftentimes, there’s dissatisfaction in other areas of your life that you will eventually have to face and deal with (one way or another).

Parents fall into the trap that busyness equates to our self-worth.

Especially moms that put pressure on other moms to show off just how hard they can mom.

Meanwhile everyone is barely staying afloat.

You might also suffer from a fear of failing (I’m also guilty as charged).

And compounding on that is the fear of actually succeeding.

It’s crippling to know what things would look like if they actually worked out for a change (also guilty as charged).

“One day,” you keep telling yourself

There’s a thing that is probably screaming at you from the back of your mind that you could be doing, but you keep ignoring those calls to action.

Yeah, you’ll get to it one day when you can “finally slow down.”

We both know that will never come unless you actively decide to do that for yourself.

Instead you keep putting it off by staying busy, keeping your mind distracted from the actual thing that is calling you.

That’s just going to lead to regret later in life for not taking a chance and betting on yourself.

Rather than keeping yourself busy, maybe the antidote is to be bored.

Slow down.

Do fewer things.

And then something of more meaning will finally develop.

You’ve been pushing yourself for years.

We know the stakes of how our capitalist overlords will keep us on the hamster wheel for as long as we are breathing.

They won’t give you a break or tell you to slow down. You have to do that for yourself.

When are you going to finally slow it down … when you retire? And when will that be?

“It’s okay to be bored.”

That’s a pretty popular phrase at House Cataldo.

I’ll have my kids sit on the couch for a few minutes and just … be.

No shows, books, music, games.

Just embracing boredom.

Do your kids really need to have their entire weekends booked up like a CEO of a Fortune 500 company?

It’s not like you’re getting quality time with your kid while watching them kick some other kids’ shins 100 yards away on the soccer field.

My kids have extracurricular activities four days per week. Friday, Saturday, Sundays, we leave free for the family.

We take them to museums in the city. Have a movie night. Play games together. Run around with others at the playground or the park.

And we spend time being bored. Reading books. Playing with the mountains of toys they have in their room. Going for walks. We even talk to one another (shocking, I know).

Yeah, we still have the laundry list of adulting tasks we need to accomplish over the weekends, too.

But we don’t have double-booked overcommitted schedules to juggle on top of it.

It’s serving no one to be running around frantically and then getting pissed when the weekend wraps and you never prioritized time for yourself.

Make the time

My work is off for the weekend.

I’ll do a little writing on Saturday and Sunday morning. But only because I’m up early anyway, and I enjoy the process. Otherwise, I’m no longer answering client questions 24/7.

I shut my work down every single day around 3:30 to 4:00 p.m. and I’ll fire up my PlayStation to play video games for a few minutes before I pick up my kids from their after school activities.

We set a rule to avoid phones as much as possible while at home, especially at the dinner table.

I’m not saying all of this is possible for you.

But I am saying that you must do as much as you can to free up this time for yourself.

Being bored and slowing down will allow you to:

• Be more creative.
• Encourages better problem solving.
• Increases your ability to be more productive.

Rest is part of work.

Oftentimes during the school year, there are still extracurricular fundraising events at the school that we end up attending.

But, otherwise, I choose to spend quality time with my family on weekends without the pull to be busy for the sake of being busy.

How to break the Paradox of Busyness trap

It’s time to prioritize your time a bit better.

When you’re in the office: Remove the distractions. Put your phone away. Close the excess tabs on your browser. Stop refreshing your email. And focus on your work.

Get it done.

Then, when it’s done, resist the urge to ask for more busy work to fill the time and instead start building your own empire.

Maybe it’s a side hustle or business.

Or perhaps your empire is just learning a new skill or hobby. Or getting healthier.

Audit your priorities

I guarantee that you can sit down right now and find a handful of things that you are doing daily, weekly, monthly that do not serve you or align with your desired lifestyle.

Get real clear on this and eliminate the things that are sucking up your time.

Say “No” more often to unnecessary tasks or engagements.

You must set the boundaries for yourself. Otherwise, the NPCs will keep asking and demanding and sucking your time and energy.

Do you need to leave at 5:00 p.m. so you can be present for your family? Figure it out.

Maybe this kind of flexibility only comes from finding a new employer. Or by creating your own business.

Figure. It. Out.

Redefine success

Do you really need to push yourself to make VP at your firm?

Or can you slow it down, be happy where you are, make the most of it and find more ways to add actual fulfillment to your life outside of the office?

Having a baller bank account doesn’t mean shit if you’re so busy that you could never experience the baller lifestyle that comes with it.

Ask yourself the serious questions about where you are and just how much more you need in order to be happy and fulfilled.

Maybe you need to pivot. Or perhaps everything is going well at this pace and you just need to make more things a priority at home.

Again … figure it out.

Embrace stillness

There is no shame in slowing down and recapturing your peace and energy.

Carve out time to recharge every single day:

• Meditation.
• A slow morning routine.
• Quality sleep.
• Sunday naps.
• Playing video games.
• Reading books.
• Sexy time with your partner.

Whatever the hell it is, you need to be doing it.

We’re on the back half of the life journey now. Time is running out. Only way to reclaim more of your time is to stop being “busy” and start being intentional.

Falling for the busyness paradox is why you can’t get anything done

Yes, you are busy.

We are all incredibly, terribly busy.

But …

You aren’t too busy to take care of yourself and start figuring out a better and more enriching lifestyle for yourself.

One of my favorite journal prompts is:

“What would you tell a friend in this exact same situation?”

It’s a way to step outside of yourself and see things more objectively. And to give yourself a bit more grace, like a friend would do for you.

Be that friend for yourself right now.

Step back and look at your current breakneck pace.

Is this serving you?

Does this busyness align with your long-term vision?

You do not have to do more in order to be worthy.

Enough with this mindset that you have to be everything, everywhere and at all times for everyone.

The only one who will slow it down is … you.

Get crystal clear on how you’d like the pace of life to be for yourself. Choose what matters most.

And make today the day that you start figuring out how to make that a reality.

I hope you found this useful. If so, I’d appreciate it if you sent this newsletter to one person you think would benefit from my writing today.

And if you’re new here and enjoyed this newsletter, I’d be honored if you subscribed for more at this link.

And as always, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.

I answer all of my emails at pete [at] petecataldo [.] com … Hit me up with the subject line “the busyness paradox” and I’ll answer any questions you have to make this work for you.

Until next time,
Pete