Tough love: You’re lying to yourself about why now isn’t the right time or that you’re too old. Time to rewrite a better story so you can finally thrive.

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We’ve been sold a lie that if we put in the work in our 20s and 30s that it would all pay off someday.

If we sacrificed nearly all of our time, energy and mental sanity in the early adulthood years we’d be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor … someday.

“Someday.”

The most dangerous lie ever told.

You tell yourself that someday you’ll read that book.

Someday you’ll start getting in shape … or go on that trip.

You’ll look into that LLC for your business idea … someday.

We both know that someday very rarely comes.

You’re trading time today for imaginary time in the future. Sounds like a risky little game if you ask me.

When I coached fitness and nutrition, I’d warn my students about the “Monday Mindset:”

They’d get all caught up in creating the perfect plan with tons of rules and routines to follow.

It was too much.

Overwhelming.

When we get overwhelmed with a project, we get anxious over it, and create stories for why we can’t do it. And then eventually quit.

“I’ll start Monday.”

Monday came and went without any action taken.

The real solution is to find the minimum effective dose (the smallest possible behavior, habit or routine) that you can do right now.

Not Monday. Or someday. But, right now.

And then you take immediate action to build that momentum.

That’s the whole freaking play right there.

My friend, if your life is stuck, no one is coming to fix it for you.

Father time is not going to suddenly intervene in your shitty situation.

It’s up to you to do it. You must make it your Life’s Work to figure this the fuck out.

And that starts … today.

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The most common lies we tell ourselves

As we get older, we get set in our ways.

We craft stories in our head for why “this isn’t the right time” or that we’re “too old” to do something.

The most common excuses are something like:

• It’s just not the right time. I’ve got so much going on right now. It’s going to be impossible to focus on making a change.
• I’m too old to start a new career.
• I can’t afford it.
• My kids come first. And there’s just not enough room or time for me.
• I don’t have the time to workout or cook healthy.
• I’ve got so much going on right now, I’ll start focusing on myself when life settles down a bit.
• I’ve just decided that I’m going to be here, doing this forever.

These aren’t just excuses; they’re stories we’ve internalized.

Stories that feel real because now they’re comfortable.

But just like too much comfort food, being comfortable with these stories in your head comes with a cost.

You are stuck in this loop of inaction which leads to guilt and then eventually to regret.

Author Bronnie Ware wrote about the most common regrets of people on their deathbed. The most common regret?

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

My friend, no one is coming to save you. It’s time you stopped lying to yourself.

Stop lying to yourself … start affirming yourself

You do have the time.

An effective workout doesn’t have to be 60 minutes, you can get in decent shape with exercise snacks and microworkouts.

You’re not too old.

Vera Wang didn’t get her start until the age of 40.

Stan Lee failed with comic book after comic book before finally hitting his stride at 39.

Some of your best days are ahead of you.

Life isn’t going to just … settle down.

Waiting for the perfect time is that “someday” trap.

Small, consistent action actually helps bring more structure in your life and can help alleviate the chaos.

Starting today (not “someday”), you’re going to step into a new role for yourself and become that person that will finally do the things that you said you would do.

Here’s how …

It’s time for a hard reboot

Let’s cut the bullshit and rewrite your story.

It starts with finding some clarity.

Define your vision

What would a better, healthier, more fulfilling life look like for you?

Think of a perfect world scenario.

Where do you want to live? Maybe not a specific location, but a general vibe. Like, “I want to live in a big bustling city” OR “I want to live near the mountains or countryside.”

What does “healthy” look like for you? I’m not talking about six pack abs. More like being able to keep up with your kids and grandkids at the playground without feeling like your lunges will explode.

In what areas are you lacking that need to be adjusted, tweaked, or even just flat out overhauled?

How much money do you really need?

Figure out the amount of money that would support that ideal lifestyle. Not the number that you think society wants for you.

Does your current career support that desired lifestyle? Can you trade more time for a little less money and still win?

Or maybe you have to ask yourself some real tough questions about where you are with your current career.

Work backwards on your schedule

No more lying to yourself about “someday.”

The only way to make a change is to make a change.

When you map out your schedules for the week or month, start by planning your personal priorities first, then fill in the blanks with professional and social obligations.

Make the soccer field Saturdays have to fit into your self-care weekends. Not the other way around.

Dinner with family comes before the late-night work session.

Your workout is more important than your working lunch.

Then stick to that plan.

Create an anti-someday list

Get really clear on the things you refuse to put off going forward.

Schedule one of those things weekly, monthly, and/or quarterly.

For me, that’s not only daily movement and exercise, but also playing video games to reconnect to my childhood hobby.

It’s also about social connection.

Getting older means we need to get real intentional about the time we are spending with our closest friends.

I have a group chat with a handful of buddies from college. We’ve all settled down into the family and career phase and live all over the country so it’s been difficult getting together.

I hit the fellas with a wakeup call.

“We see each other on the average of about once every five years right now. Given the life expectancy for men is about 76 and we’re in our mid-40s, we can expect to maybe see each other five or six more times before we die.”

No more “Let’s get together someday,” bullshit. Time to get serious.

We now plan at least one boys’ trip every single year. No excuses.

If you don’t schedule it, you’ll find every excuse under the sun to push it off to the lie of “someday.”

You’re not too busy.

If it’s a priority, you’ll find the time.

Stop lying to yourself to start living for yourself

Rewriting your life after 40 is not about the perfect time, the perfect schedule, or the perfect tools.

It’s about breaking through the stories that we’ve created over decades of life.

Stories that keep us stuck in the same habits and routines that got us stuck in the first place.

Reframe those lies into affirmations that empower you to take action.

Then … stop lying to yourself about “someday” and start actually taking that action.

Not someday … but … today.

I hope you found this useful. If so, I’d appreciate it if you sent this newsletter to one person you think would benefit from my writing today.

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And as always, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.

I answer all of my emails at pete [at] petecataldo [.] com … Hit me up with the subject line “stop lying to yourself” and I’ll answer any questions you have to make this work for you.

Until next time,
Pete