How I plan to build a personal network, develop a community and make new friends as an adult with just 15 minutes a day or non-needy networking.

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Being a stay at home dad is lonely as fuck.

No one ever warned me about this when I signed up for the job.

You’d think that because you’re hanging out with two humans (albeit, little humans) with tons of activities to do that you’d be okay.

Nah.

I needed something more to my day other than Daniel Tiger songs, monster truck toys and Paw Patrol coloring books.

When you are with two little kids every single waking hour of the day, you crave adult interaction.

Since stay at home fatherhood isn’t exactly the most popular occupation for men (who’da thunk that one), it was incredibly difficult trying to make new friends.

Most of the playgrounds during the workday were packed with nannies or mom groups that were (rightfully so) a bit reluctant to let some dude into their circles.

Your boy needed some friends.

But, a lot of the advice for making friends as a grown up is just unrealistic.

The gurus will tell you to put yourself out there:

• Volunteer more.
• Join a class or a club.
• Look into local meetup groups.

Who the hell has the time or energy for that? Especially when you’ve got kids and full-time work?

Instead, I’m proposing a different approach.

One that utilizes your existing personal network of relatives and friends (maybe even colleagues) to deepen relationships and unlock more opportunities to combat this loneliness problem.

I’ll make the case that our existing group of loved ones and acquaintances might have hidden value in unlocking even more opportunities for social interaction.

It’s a force-multiplier:

• You gain access to the network of your friends.
• In turn, you meet new people.
• Then gain access to even more potential connections.

Of course, this will take some work on your part to do.

But, fear not, because it only takes a few minutes per day to take this and turn it into a strength where you’ll be like, “I have such a large and expansive group of colleagues, leads, friends and loved ones.”

Here’s how I’m making it happen with just 15 minutes per day to build a personal network, develop a community and make new friends as an adult.

Let’s get into it.

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We are in an ongoing epidemic of loneliness

I’m not alone on this.

A 2022 study found that when people were asked how close they felt to others emotionally, only 39% of adults in the U.S. said that they felt very connected to others.

American men were said to be in a “friendship recession,” with a survey finding the number of men without any close friends increased fivefold since 1990.

Almost 70-percent of my fellow fathers and mothers describe feeling isolated and lonely in a recent study by the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus.

Nearly 4 in 5 parents would value a way to connect with other parents outside of work and home—that was 82% of moms and 74% of dads, according to that same survey.

The dangers of loneliness are real

Go read this report by the Department of Health and Human Services if you’d like to scare the shit out yourself about the dangers of being lonely.

It’s a long list of suck that includes:

• greater risk of cardiovascular disease,
• dementia, stroke,
• depression,
• anxiety,

And you can even find some bangers like this one:

“Lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”

No, you can’t just suck it up and power through without any friends.

You must make it a priority to build a personal network and connect with others on a more meaningful level.

It’s for your own mental health.

You cannot just look to your phone to build a personal network of friends

It’s easy to assume that because we text friends and loved ones and then watch and connect with others on social media, that it all counts towards getting to know people.

But in reality, that connection is superficial.

We don’t truly know these strangers we are following and interacting with.

Even if they’re sharing some vulnerable stories about themselves.

Everything is carefully curated to look great, even the messy stuff.

Long story short, we ain’t vibing on a personal level

Let’s be honest, you’re probably not taking full advantage of the network you already have.

When was the last time you really checked in on a buddy to see how they’re doing and living?

Or are you actually counting that text message thread where you just drop a bunch of funny memes and bust each others’ balls about getting old?

Recently, I started holding a few of my high school and college friends accountable to their fitness and nutrition.

We check in on each other to make sure we’re exercising regularly.

And then we send a bunch of funny memes and bust each others’ balls about getting old. #FartNoise

The power of building a personal network

If you needed to get a new job right now, what would you do? Do you have a robust network of friends, loved ones, former colleagues you could turn to in a pinch to start exploring options?

What if you owned a business and needed to make money right now, or you’d risk losing it all? Could you reach out to a dozen or so warm leads to bring in some revenue?

How about if you just had a super long day at work and wanted to take your mind off of it with a drink, a coffee or just a long walk with someone who gets you? Are you able to reach out to someone who’d be able to do that (who’s not just your spouse, sibling or romantic partner)?

Now imagine if you had an expansive personal network you could turn to in those situations.

And you could do it without having to send out some cryptic social media post that looks like a cry for help.

What if you spent 15 minutes reaching out to loved ones that you haven’t connected with in months (or even years)?

Or if you just made it a point to talk to one person every single day?

It doesn’t take much.

Just find little ways to find more interaction with adults.

Avoid staring at your damn phone all day and make it a point to talk to someone really quick.

Chances are, you’ve got plenty of opportunities to connect with real people every single day:

• The barista you see every morning.
• Parents you see at pick-up or drop-off.
• Hell, even the bank teller (do people still go to banks?).

Just say, “Hi, hope you’re having a great day.”

Doesn’t have to be any more than that.

I’ll sometimes make it awkward with a well-timed dad joke.

You don’t need to be an extrovert and you don’t have to suddenly evolve into some social media influencer who reveals every little detail about their life on Instagram.

It’s just about maximizing the smallest opportunities to connect with others.

Dip in, jump out, move on.

Build a personal network is part of creating a more meaningful life

This approach is part of my four pillars towards designing a lifestyle that you deserve. One you can finally enjoy.

Because as psychologist Abraham Maslow broke down in his Hierarchy of Needs, we need social engagement, interaction and encouragement to realize a more fulfilling life.

Having a super close family helps.

However, I think where many people get it wrong, myself included, is you understandably believe that you can really lean in even heavier on your immediate family, your spouse and kids, when times are super tough and you’re going through massive burnout.

And yes, this is true … but it is also not enough.

You need more.

You need your buddies that get you outside of the diaper changes, nighttime routines, and homework.

You need to stop sharing stupid sports memes and actually connect with your buddies regularly in order to feel the love on a deeper level.

Here’s how you’re going to build a personal network with just 15 minutes per day

Starting today, you are going to take a proactive approach to fostering, building and nurturing your relationships with coworkers, business leads, loved ones, etc.

Whip out a pen and paper and jot down five to 10 names of folks that you haven’t connected with in a while.

Optional: Make two lists, one for business and one for family and friends.

These are people you already know.

People that would like to hear from you.

The beauty of this exercise is that the contacts are “warmed-up” and you don’t need to contort your mind to think of ways to garner attention and a response.

You still don’t want to come off as needy, though.

A random text that just says, “hey, what’s up?” or “how’ve u been?” is boring and leaves the onus on the other person to begin the actual conversation.

Instead, you just want to acknowledge three simple things:

• that you are thinking about them;
• that you yourself are doing well;
• and that if they’d like to reach out, they can do so any time.

Here’s the prompt I like to use:

“Hey I was just thinking of you and figured I’d reach out really quick. I hope you’re doing well. If you ever need anything or want to chat, I’m here. Otherwise, hope you’re having an awesome day.”

You can use this approach on text message, email, even in the DMs.

Again, this is to people you have an existing relationship with, though. Please don’t be sliding in the random DMs saying Pete Cataldo told you to do this.

Set aside time every day to perform this activity and build your personal network

Understand that with every habit I teach you to develop, this doesn’t solve the world’s problems overnight.

One contact per day.

Every day.

For the next year.

Given that you’d take weekends, vacations and holidays off, you still get a healthy chunk of outreach to about 200 people.

The beauty in this is how things develop and expand.

Will everyone respond? Nope.

And out of those that do respond, will will every single connection turn into a blossoming friendship? Probably not.

But there will be a portion that do respond and a smaller percentage that will lead to better opportunities.

Maybe you get invited to an event or for a drink.

Then you meet more people and find more opportunities to connect.

And the cycle continues.

As you build a personal network, keep track of the connections

This may sound a bit over the top, especially if you just want to reconnect with some old friends and start sowing the seeds of a better relationship with some distant loved ones.

But I’m stealing a page from some of the best salespersons on the planet by suggesting you keep track of your progress in reaching out to others.

Make a list of who you’re connecting to each day with a few data points:

• When you reached out
• Your method of outreach (text, call, email, DM, etc)
• If they responded and how
• Any specific notes of interest to check back on

Let’s say you connect with a high school buddy who says they’re getting remarried next month. This is something to not only note, but you should immediately set a reminder to wish them well as they approach their big day.

It seems a bit forced and perhaps a bit robotic or icky, but I like having a spreadsheet for this just so I can really keep track of whom I’m catching up with and how often I’m doing it.

Otherwise, I’ll just get caught up in my own life and completely forget.

I also don’t want to fall into a situation where I’m doubling up by accident, which can lead to some awkward exchanges, to say the least.

At the end of the year, look back at the list of people you’ve networked with and connected with on a deeper level.

I’d wager as a result of doing this, it led to even more people to network and connect with.

Now you have a bigger list.

Go through it again.

The idea is to continue this practice every day for the foreseeable future.

You just continue to check in on people, have conversations.

Be genuinely interested in your people

Ask questions.

And then listen to (or read) the responses before jumping in with your own stories.

As you continue to do this, you’ll notice some relationships start to deepen and open up to more conversations outside of kids and weather.

I’ve been terrible at remembering birthdays.

So as soon as I see someone celebrating, whether that’s in a group text message thread or even on a social media platform, I stop what I’m doing and plug that person’s birthday into my calendar so I’m top of it for the following year and can be proactive in sending birthday wishes.

If you’re reaching out to a business connection or former colleague, ask what they’re currently working on. Be respectful of their time, do not ask for anything in return.

This works in a non-needy way because you are asking them to talk about themselves, but you’re not asking for a recommendation, or some favor.

It’s just little things that make the biggest differences and show people that you care.

Because part of what makes relationships work is the give and take between two individuals. In order to deepen a relationship, you need to both work at it.

When you show that you care by working at it, the recipient will be compelled to connect back with you.

Remember this is not an exchange of currency

Even if you are trying to network for business purposes, this network building approach is not meant to toss in some LinkedIn-approved call to action.

You are simply chatting with people you know to see how they’re doing.

If you approach it like that, the organic opportunities will inevitably come down the road.

But only if you are being authentic and truly not expecting anything more out of the connections than just catching up.

Make a commitment to build a personal network for the next three months (90 days)

I want you to go back and see how many little opportunities for personal growth emerge from this simple 15-minute exercise.

Couple that with 15 minutes of physical movement, 15 minutes of learning and 15 additional minutes of rest, relaxation or play, you’ll build the skills necessary to change your entire life around.

Remember, habit building doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s simple. You just have to keep breaking it down into the smallest pieces required to keep you consistent.

Just a simple low energy text, email or direct message per day will do wonders for your physical health and perhaps even the health of your personal and professional network.

I hope you enjoyed this newsletter. As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.

Until next time,
Pete